Illusionary Cure
by maru
Summary: Jeez, another Zel fic...a bit angsty, Z/L bias, blah, blah...please r&r, flames welcome!


# Illusionary Cure

* * *

A sorta-angsty Zel fic with a bit of Zel+Lina bias, and a flashback that links to another one of my fics, _Dark Resemblence_, so I suppose you could call this an accompaniant(is that a word?^_^;;) side fic. Enjoy! 

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ANOTHER MISLEADING. 

This had to be the 100th time it had happened: false information on a clue to his cure. There was nothing more that Zelgadis Graywords hated more than someone getting his hopes up. The only good thing that was involved with it was the satisfaction of giving the liar a taste of his blade and Shamanist magic. 

He somberly dragged himself up the stairs of the inn he was staying at, actually trying to hold his tears back. The minute he got into his room, he flopped onto the bed. The fluid that stung his eyes was unuasual; he'd had worse letdowns than this, but it was just the last straw._ It's not fair..!_ His mind screamed like a child."It's not fair..." he said aloud. He could feel his emotions uncontrolably drift into his throat, and he felt like yelling. But insted, he broke into fractured sobs, as he had not done in ages. He felt everything, from being turned into a chimera by Rezo to people gasping and pointing at him to Zolf and Rodimus' death, blow up inside. He felt a emotional gash from inside that made his chest hurt. Before he knew it, he had drifted to sleep. 

**... ... ... **

... ... ... 

... ... ... 

Young Zelgadis Graywords swung his sword at an invisible target again and again repeating,"I wanna be strong...Strong...Strong!". Being strong was all that mattered. He'd be strong one way or another someday, and he prayed and wished every day and night that day would come. 

_I should've been more careful..._

Rezo appeared before him."You wish to become strong, Zelgadis?" 

_I shouldn't have been so blind..._

"Help me search for the Phillosipher's Stone. I can grant you the power you seek. You will be completely transformed." He pointed his staff at Zelgadis. The the jewl atop the metal rod glimmered. 

_I should have recognized the meaning of those words..._

"... ... ..." 

_It was what turned me into what I am today..._

Red... 

_A monster..._

...Enveloping all... 

_A freak..._

...Wrapping around him, magical energy encircling him, tightening its grip...

_I'll never find a cure..._

...Laughter... 

_I'll never be human again... _

No... 

No. 

No! 

"NO!!!" 

He bolted upright. He looked around._It...it was just a dream..._ And a reoccuring one at that. He'd had it almost every day since he was turned into chimera, reminding him every day, tormenting him. It was just a dream after all, so it definately told a rather creative truth. 

It was definately still night, dark grey clouds painting the sky and masking the true beauty of a full moon._Funny,_ he thought,_All those years ago on full moons, I'd had to tell Dilgear to quit howling so that I could sleep. All those years ago...with Zolf and Rodimus._ He looked at his sword. He wearily stood up from absence of sleep, picked up his sword, and unsheethed it. The blade tempted him. It seemed to say,"Oh, come on!! There's no cure!! JUST DIE ALLREADY!". It would be a simple task to enchant the sword and drive it through himself. 

So simple. 

_But, what would Lina and the others think? What would they say? Would they be sad?_ was his inner positive side's thoughts, but his negative pessimist side though_ They would'nt care. They wouldn't even give it a secound thought._

He thought back to the time, when he last left the group, and Lina had caught up with him. 

* * *

_"Zel!! Zelgadis, please wait!" Lina said, and stepped in front of him. _

"Look, Lina," he said sharply,"Don't concern yourself with this. The only thing that's important to me now is finding a cure. There's nothing else." He attemped to walk around her, but she grabbed his arm. That was all it took. He ripped his arm from her grasp and spun around to face he."LINA!!!" he roared at her. The look on her face was enough to make even Zelgadis feel a tinge of guilt. She looked socked, hurt, and even scared. 

Her expression shifted to an Lina-Inverse-angry face."FINE!! Fine!! Go! If that's all tha...that matters..." her voice was hoarse."I can't belive you..." 

"What's not to belive?" he said."You wouldn't understand. You don't know how it is. You don't understand." 

"Oh, I understand." she said."I understand perfectly. You're like Rezo, Zelgadis." 

"Wha-what?" 

"He wanted his blindness cured and searched desperately to find a way. He would do ANYTHING to do it. You want to be turned back to normal. You're willing to do anything in order to find a cure, even kill your own friends..." Pause. "Zelgadis, why is it really that you want a cure?" 

"What do yo mean?" he said in disbelief."You KNOW why. Have you seen the way people stare? Do you have any idea--" 

"No, I don't, Zel. But that's no reason to--" 

"Shut UP!" He later berated himself for saying that as Lina's expression changed again."L-Lina, you just don't know..." He sighed."There's nothing more important to me. You know that..." He walked away from Lina, who was on the verge of crying her ruby eyes out. 

* * *

Just walked away from the first person who had not judged him by the way he looked, who had immedietly considered him as a friend while he still may have not, and most of all... 

_It's useless to love someone who doesn't feel the same way._ He looked at face that stared back at him from the sword. It was dark, but he could still see his reflection. He felt the rush of hatred flow through him and he raised his sword, pointed at his stomach._In the afterlife...Zolf and Rodimus await me in another world. I will not be lonely there... _

But, are you lonely here? A small voice within him asked._Why did Lina care so much? Why did Amelia and Gourry hate to see you go? Why should they give a damn to what you do?_

He suddenly remebered all the great adventures he shared with them. They flooded his mind, preventing his sword from being thrust into him. He lowered his sword and sigh."Stupid positive side..." 

The reprise from suicide, he thought, would only last another couple of months, untill depression settled in, but he'd hopefully run into his friends before then. 

He sighed again."What a life, what a life..." And with that, he laid back down, under the sky blue sheets, and into sleep. 

* * *

Pointless, ne?^_^ This SHOULD be called "Zel's Monthly Redemption From Suicide", but...HEY!!! What a great fanfic idea!! Wai!!! Hope you enjoyed, I wrote it in an hour and a half(that explains it), and, well, ano,I'm off to write more pointless fics!!!^_^ Ja! 

...And no, I don't think Zel listens to his sword OR voices in his head.^_^;; 

-Sailor Dragonslave


End file.
